Rainbows

I love Rainbows quite simply for their beauty and what they mean according to Father God.  More recently they have become even more precious as they bring to my mind a special friend and her beautiful baby boy, now in heaven with Father God himself.

This one was captured on my way out of the house yesterday afternoon to pick up the children from school.

Sunday Worship

Church on Sunday was an experience I've never had before.  I don't often get much chance to prepare myself for church and this week was no exception, but it seems I really needed to.  I stood up to worship and struggled through the first song.  I can't remember what the distraction was now, but it was a struggle to be involved and to focus on God.  I felt Him saying to me to just focus on the words, look to him and don't worry about anything else.  He wasn't expecting anything amazing from me, he loves me and just wants to listen to my worship (or something to that effect).  So line by line it got easier and in the end I really felt Father God ministering to me, softening my heart towards people I'm struggling with there right now and making it all real for me.

Praise God for his love and patience.  He is Father God and is gentle with his children when we need him to be.

Getting up again

Well yesterday I had a small meltdown, walking around aimlessly, baby on and off crying, poorly hubby sitting down and lots needing doing.  I just couldn't seem to focus and when I did the baby started crying and making lots of noise again.  Some would say just to leave her "she'll be ok", but I can't do that with mine, partly for myself and her and partly because of my poor hubby...her noise makes him feel worse than he already does.  He's already poorly enough, I'm not adding to that if I can help it.  So anyway, I ended up upstairs on the bed having a little cry.  Hubby got up and started on dinner, but by the time I'd got myself together to go downstairs and help he'd had a 'funny turn' and needed to lie down on the kitchen floor for fear of falling down.  He was there for quite some time and so I finished dinner and he just about managed to stand again to come sit for dinner.  It was quite upsetting to think how I'd been feeling moments before and how he'd been feeling too.  I sat on the kitchen floor with him feeling really down.  We managed the rest of the day by just doing what was necessary and now today I'm feeling more positive and hoping to get some jobs done.  

I'm so grateful for friends who love us and support us in lots of prayer and letting us vent on them.  Thank you God for good friends.

Newsboys - Something Beautiful (with lyrics)

Dizzy dizzy dizzy

I figured it was about time I blogged about my poor Will's dizzy life.

It all started last November (2009). Will came home from work after a dizzy spell at the school gates. He came over all dizzy, sat down to let it pass and when it didn't he was brought home...11 months later he is STILL dizzy. As yet he has had no diagnosis or any successful treatment. He has tried a couple of different tablets, the first ones didn't help, they just made him feel at his worst constantly instead of sometimes not so dizzy and other times more dizzy. This last lot have made him feel slightly better, "more clear headed" he says, but he's still dizzy so that's not changed at all.

Since school re-opened after summer at the end of August 2010, Will has managed 3 or 4 days at work (including today). Going back has filled him with dread and occasionally caused him to panic inwardly at the mear thought. Mostly because it's been so long since he was last there, but I suspect some of it is to do with having to walk an extremely busy road in town. Thankfully he's getting a lift back from work this evening by a treasured friend (who has just fought a fight of his own in hospital!).

I thank God for all our wonderful friends who have supported and prayed for us in any way they can during the last 11 months. We really wouldn't have managed without, it's been such a difficult time, and with no end in sight, we'll need you more than ever.

When Will started taking these last tablets and started to feel a bit better, I started to hope that these might be the 'cure-all' pills we've been waiting for. But when it didn't get any better than a "clearer head" I think my hope went back to bed and I started to get down again at the thought that this thing was never going to go away and we were going to have to somehow cope with it forever. I haven't got the strength for that, and even though I know Father can give me that strength day by day, I don't want to have to need it (hope that makes sense!). I want my strong healthy Will back!

What should have been...

Just now I'm praying my heart out for two precious friends who are soon to face the date their baby should have been born. As it is, they lost their precious angel in June when mum delivered baby N stillborn. This, of course, brings back memories of our own sad loss back in May 2009 and all those other angel babies, of other mums and dads, sent to heaven before expected. My love and prayers go out to all you who have experienced the loss of a child/baby. I couldn't have gotten through our loss without Father in heaven and all the comfort he provides through his word, his people and lots of other ways. My prayer today for A & N, as they approach this day, is that Father will provide all the comfort and support they can bear and all the peace and strength they need.

Time to praise God for his faithfulness

Mother in law has been given the all clear from her cancer, yippeeee!!! Praise God once again for his faithfulness and mercy. My mum has also had successful treatment, her operation went well and she's recovering very well. Not one to sit n wallow she's up and about a bit so the blood is circulating and providing good healing!

We're now praying for our dear friend who is still battling her cancer and still on the treatment run.

Will has an appointment for physio on 20th August at Loughborough hospital and he's seeing the Neurologist at Leicester General on 4th December. Our prayer for him now is that the physio starts to sort his problem out and the neurologist is happy with the course of action and progress. We'd still really like a diagnosis though.

Trusting God for my loved ones

Wow life seems so full of reasons to need God more than ever right now. I was going to post on a parenting forum I use but I only ever seem to go there when I need prayer, that's not fair at all so I decided to start blogging again as a way to vent or just get my head around things.

My gorgeous mum is off (in fact will already be there!) to a hospital in Derby today for keyhole surgery to her knee. She's been having pain in it for some time now and the specialist has referred her for this surgery. They'll be removing the offending cartlidge or something like that anyway (I really need to learn to listen better!). She had to be there for 7 this morning so she may well have had it already and be recovering. It's only day surgery so at least she won't be there overnight.

Also today, my mother in law is having her last dose of Radiotherapy for the cancer she's fighting. She's doing well so far, having had Chemo and Radio aleady, and has been told it seems to be doing the trick. Given that there was a very high success rate for treatment of this type of cancer we're not worried. She will need lots of prayer and support while she gets better though as it can have nasty side effects and makes her extremely tired. I'm sure her beautiful kitties will be there for fuss and cuddles at the right moments, they always seem to know when their owner needs care and attention don't they!!

Along with all that, mother in law rang us yesterday to tell us her mother had had a heart attack and she'd just been on a train to visit before she goes on to have a triple heart by pass! Talk about lots of things on the prayer list right now!

Will is currently counting down to his phsyio appointment on 20th August. We're really hoping and praying to Father God that this will be the start of his recovery from whatever it is he's suffering. I was chatting to friends last night and we were saying how it would help to have a diagnosis too on all this. To be able to give it a name when we're talking to others about it and asking for help financially even...filling in forms is so much easier with a proper diagnosis. But maybe if the physio does do the trick, then the forms won't be needed anyway.

Aside from all my family members health issues I have wonderful friends who are struggling with life and health right now. One has her own health issues regularly and her poor Grandma has just had (maybe still there!) a spell in hospital with heart/lung problems...I think they said. Another friend, so precious, has lost 3 babies this year and is finding her way through her grief with some wonderful aids. Bless her, she also shares them with me without reservation, whether telling me about them or paying for similar aids for myself to remember my beautiful angel in heaven. I can hardly believe it's been over a year now. Then there's another special friend who is also fighting cancer. She's been an inspiration, looking to Father God the whole time, through wobbles and difficult decisions. She's managed to laugh still and share when she's cried. God is amazing and has given her the strength she's needed to get this far, praying for more strength through to the end of this treatment.

Well I could probably waffle on for a while yet, but I'll quite while I'm ahead and maybe add more later.

Prayers:
Father we trust to you our mothers and grandmothers as they have their hospital treatment for different illnesses/problems. Keep them and guard them from harm, bring healing in the areas that are being treated and provide fast recoveries and support for them all for as long as they need it. Bring success to the treatment of those we know and love who are fighting life threatening illnesses. Strengthen them and comfort them too. Heal the hearts of those who are hurting for the loss of their babies, there are sadly so many Father and you see their pain better than anyone else. Help them find their way through their grief, to the other side where they can continue forward with you. Comfort them Spirit and strengthen them every day.
Amen