Getting up again

Well yesterday I had a small meltdown, walking around aimlessly, baby on and off crying, poorly hubby sitting down and lots needing doing.  I just couldn't seem to focus and when I did the baby started crying and making lots of noise again.  Some would say just to leave her "she'll be ok", but I can't do that with mine, partly for myself and her and partly because of my poor hubby...her noise makes him feel worse than he already does.  He's already poorly enough, I'm not adding to that if I can help it.  So anyway, I ended up upstairs on the bed having a little cry.  Hubby got up and started on dinner, but by the time I'd got myself together to go downstairs and help he'd had a 'funny turn' and needed to lie down on the kitchen floor for fear of falling down.  He was there for quite some time and so I finished dinner and he just about managed to stand again to come sit for dinner.  It was quite upsetting to think how I'd been feeling moments before and how he'd been feeling too.  I sat on the kitchen floor with him feeling really down.  We managed the rest of the day by just doing what was necessary and now today I'm feeling more positive and hoping to get some jobs done.  

I'm so grateful for friends who love us and support us in lots of prayer and letting us vent on them.  Thank you God for good friends.

Newsboys - Something Beautiful (with lyrics)

Dizzy dizzy dizzy

I figured it was about time I blogged about my poor Will's dizzy life.

It all started last November (2009). Will came home from work after a dizzy spell at the school gates. He came over all dizzy, sat down to let it pass and when it didn't he was brought home...11 months later he is STILL dizzy. As yet he has had no diagnosis or any successful treatment. He has tried a couple of different tablets, the first ones didn't help, they just made him feel at his worst constantly instead of sometimes not so dizzy and other times more dizzy. This last lot have made him feel slightly better, "more clear headed" he says, but he's still dizzy so that's not changed at all.

Since school re-opened after summer at the end of August 2010, Will has managed 3 or 4 days at work (including today). Going back has filled him with dread and occasionally caused him to panic inwardly at the mear thought. Mostly because it's been so long since he was last there, but I suspect some of it is to do with having to walk an extremely busy road in town. Thankfully he's getting a lift back from work this evening by a treasured friend (who has just fought a fight of his own in hospital!).

I thank God for all our wonderful friends who have supported and prayed for us in any way they can during the last 11 months. We really wouldn't have managed without, it's been such a difficult time, and with no end in sight, we'll need you more than ever.

When Will started taking these last tablets and started to feel a bit better, I started to hope that these might be the 'cure-all' pills we've been waiting for. But when it didn't get any better than a "clearer head" I think my hope went back to bed and I started to get down again at the thought that this thing was never going to go away and we were going to have to somehow cope with it forever. I haven't got the strength for that, and even though I know Father can give me that strength day by day, I don't want to have to need it (hope that makes sense!). I want my strong healthy Will back!

What should have been...

Just now I'm praying my heart out for two precious friends who are soon to face the date their baby should have been born. As it is, they lost their precious angel in June when mum delivered baby N stillborn. This, of course, brings back memories of our own sad loss back in May 2009 and all those other angel babies, of other mums and dads, sent to heaven before expected. My love and prayers go out to all you who have experienced the loss of a child/baby. I couldn't have gotten through our loss without Father in heaven and all the comfort he provides through his word, his people and lots of other ways. My prayer today for A & N, as they approach this day, is that Father will provide all the comfort and support they can bear and all the peace and strength they need.