Loneliness

Last week was in general a good week. I was sad of course, but nothing I couldn't handle. Saturday night however it all started to hit me again. I kept thinking of that scan screen...nothing on it where we should have been meeting our new baby for the first time...on screen at least. I just felt so sad and empty at that point. Will came and sat with me...lots of cuddles and understanding. I went to bed feeling a bit better, but woke up and eventually is set in again. Church was difficult because I needed hugs from some but didn't feel able to ask so I didn't get any because no-one's a mind reader hey! Felt better in the afternoon, after I'd had a good chat with my mum. But then it started again in the evening...just a bit, and this morning it's been tough again, just a bit. Only thing is I've had 2 pre-schoolers to look after since lunch time and I just need space. They've argued and bickered and I'm worn out. I got to the point where I was on the floor in the kitchen sobbing. I don't know where to go, if anywhere...who to see, if anyone. Will rang and that helped a bit, but he's at work till late so there will be no hugs from anyone (except my beautiful kids), until after 7.30 tonight. I'd love to go to bed for the afternoon and not have to think about anyone at all for a bit.