I feel so strange today. I've not really had much to write this last few days, not even on the anniversary the news was given to us that we'd lost our baby. Don't get me wrong, I've felt sad, but there really hasn't been much else. I've not shed many tears and I feel ashamed! I should be grateful I'm feeling more normal, but I feel like I should have cried more, felt sadder longer. All I'm left with is a sadness deep inside, but it doesn't bring tears...only every now and then does it threaten, but they just don't come. I wonder what the next day or week will hold, will it hit me again or have I finished grieving...the really intense part at least. Maybe it will be later on when I see a newborn for the first time since my little one went back to Father, or maybe it will be much later, closer to the time when ours should have been born.
Father, will you take us close to yourself again. Comfort us, me, through this strange time where I can't make sense of what's happening...the lack of tears, etc.
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